checking in

Just checking in.

Me Talk Gay One Day

Many gay men have a complicated relationship with their voice. The "gay accent" that, for some men, seems to emerge suddenly and inexplicably--like Quentin Crisp from a birthday cake--in the wake of their coming out, remains one of the most common markers of gayness. As a result, it can make some men a target for discrimination.

This past week, Graham O'Brien, a 29-year old bank customer from Leeds, England, claimed that he has become the victim of "voice discrimination." After being denied access to his bank account over the phone, he visited a branch where he was told that a suspicious "woman" had been phoning about his account. The operator, it seems, had mistaken O'Brien's gay voice for that of a woman.

Now, O'Brien is considering a lawsuit:

Despite assurances from the bank that the mix-up will not happen again and an apology, Mr O'Brien is considering his legal options.

"I feel I have been humiliated and alienated," he said.

"There's the patronising way they've spoken to me and there's the humiliation of going into the branch and dealing with it."

Mr O'Brien may have a valid claim for sexual discrimination against Halifax.

"Just because a man has a high-pitched voice, does that mean it's a woman? They're labelling it. They're saying, "You're not who you say you are.""

Of course, not all gay men are distinguished by their voice (the concept of a "gay accent" relies on generalization and stereotyping) and, given the circumstances, it seems hard to believe that O'Brien has any hope of winning a lawsuit against his bank on grounds of homophobic discrimination. While he does have a point--that we shouldn't be so quick to make assumptions on people's genders based on the way they sound or look--this seems like the wrong context (in banking, where personal information, and a great deal of money are at stake) to get worked up about it.

While research into the origins of gay speech are still inconclusive, some linguists, have managed to pin-point what makes some gay men's speech so distinctive. According to a study called "The Influence of Sexual Orientation on Vowel Production":

"Differences in the acoustic characteristics of vowels were found as a function of sexual orientation. Lesbian and bisexual women produced less fronted /u/ and /[open aye]/ vowel sounds than heterosexual women. Gay men produced a more expanded vowel space than heterosexual men."

Largo, Florida: City of Progress

In 1905, Largo became the second town in the United States (and first in Florida) to have a city manager-style government. This remarkable civic achievement has now been joined by another. This week, "the City of Progress" also became the first town in Florida to fire its city manager, a man with a good track record, because of the announcement of his impending sex reassignment surgery.

According to the Associated Press, the city's commissioners claim that Steve Stanton, the city manager, was fired because "they lost confidence in him" and his announcement "caused turmoil and work disruption in the city." After all, how can the city's employees be expected to operate the Largo Public Works Claw Truck (seen here lifting a mattress) knowing that their city manager will soon become a woman?

This reprehensible incident illustrates the need for broad transgender rights legislation in the United States. In New York City, the passage of Intro. 24 in 2002 made it the largest jurisdiction in the United States to outlaw discrimination against transgendered people. As Largo city commisioners have shown, without laws to protect them, even transgendered people in the public eye aren't immune to blatant and malicious discrimination. Mary Jensen, a Largo resident, spoke out during the city's hearing: "I don't want the city of Largo to be the poster child for bigotry and discrimination."

Poor Mary. If only every day in Largo was Global Love Day.

I Am A Scandal Beauty

In the wake of General Peter Pace's controversial remarks on gay service in the military ("I believe homosexual acts between individuals are immoral"), and increasing pressure to rescind Don't Ask Don't Tell, some people, understandably, might be looking for objective proof that gay men make good soldiers.

Luckily, in times like these, one can always turn to Scandinavian reality television.

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B:



Oh, to have witnessed the brilliance of that pitch meeting.

Gaytanamo

Have you, as a gay man, always wanted to learn more about prisoner detainment at Guantanamo Bay and the Geneva Convention's stipulations on torture? But have you found yourself discouraged by the lack of explicit sexual content and/or Germans? Wait no more.

The Washington Blade reports that a porn company is releasing "Gaytanamo," the Battlestar Galactica of gay porn: "a bondage film paying nominal homage to the Guantanamo Bay detainment camp." In the film, directed by Matthias Von Fistenburg, a German tourist finds himself abducted by "Violator" and sent to a mysterious detainment facility where, presumably, he is stripped, interrogated, chained up, punched, kicked, shocked with electricity, drowned in water, starved, force-fed rotten food, deprived of sleep, made to walk on barbed wire, forcibly injected with drugs, kept in uncomfortable positions for days on end, confined in a room with alternating extreme heat and cold temperatures, and, finally, beaten to the point of brain damage and/or severe psychological distress.

Porn hasn't displayed this much political subtlety since Rocco Invades Poland.

Ann Coulter as Performance Art

In On Edge, C Carr’s collection of essays and reviews of performance art, she describes a 1988 piece by Joe Coleman. It was one of several acts during a performance evening at the Hotel Amazon (a former New York City Public School). By the time Coleman made his appearance on stage, a woman’s crotch had, predictably enough, already been pelted with paint-filled eggs and a man named Victor Poison-Tete had managed to accidentally tear down a set of Christmas lights.

Then came Coleman:

"It was around 1.A.M. when Coleman appeared with animal entrails draped over his suit, pig hooves tied to his arms, a white furpiece snaking down his back…I caught some line about ‘cosmic retribution,’ and then a flash of fireworks rocketed into the audience across the aisle. Coleman lit another match to the load of firecrackers strapped to his chest, filling the room with cacophony and smoke and the odor of gunpowder. He picked up a pitcher of what looked like blood and gulped it as his wife, Nancy, entered in a white dress and fake pregnant belly. He spit blood on her. Then he opened a little Chinese takeout container and began to scream, 'It's my father!!!' as he pulled out white mice. One crawled over his chest and he picked it up, screaming. He snapped off its head, flinging the carcass out into the crowd."

Seem familiar? This week, Ann Coulter appeared at the Conservative Political Action Conference, an annual convention for "conservative activists," dressed, as if in 1988, in a grey vest and black shirt, dark roots showing. Her face was, as always, blessed with its hard sharp features, starved into a parody of uber-bitch physiology. She ended a speech about democratic presidential candidates as follows:

"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,' so I--so kind of an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards."

Ann Coulter's act is a truly amazing bit of performance art. Her calculated queen-bitch persona (or "thundercunt" as one youtube commenter calls her) is pure calculated nastiness. She is simultaneously oversexed and completely sexless, a horror-villain caricature: the Repressed returning from a botched Sears make-over. Every month, she manages to say something so inflammatory that it sets it motion a media shitstorm, in which everybody is made to rationally discount her position--an impossible task, since she is performer, not an academic. Her act betrays the sneering xenophobia that underlies conservative American culture: mouse-beheading tailored to the world of disposable 24/7 news and hyper-Warholian celebrity culture.

Also, she like gay stuff:

-Bill Clinton "shows[s] some level of latent homosexuality."
-"Al Gore--total fag."
-What would she would do if her child came out as gay: "I'd say, 'Did I ever tell you you're adopted."
-"I think there are some people in this audience who meant to be at the sexual reorientation class down the hall."

C. Carr wrote of Coleman: "Performers in this tradition appeal to a language in the subconscious which may never have words. At Coleman's spectacle of rage, I only know I felt the pity and the terror of tragedy."

This is our new language, and here is our modern tragedy.

Suze Orman: Coming out sassy!

In this week-end's New York Times Magazine's "Questions For" section, Suze Orman--financial guru, cable-TV host, and wearer of tassled belts--finally spoke out about the issues.

On feminism: "Women don't understand money. They will go into debt to pay for this and that."

On gambling: "I have a million dollars in the stock market, because if I lose a million dollars, I don't personally care."

On Deborah Solomon: "Girlfriend, you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself or your money. You put yourself on sale. You have shame, and you have blame." ("snap")

On her personal life: "K.T. is my life partner. K.T. stands for Kathy Travis. We're going on seven years. I have never been with a man in my whole life. I'm still a 55-year-old virgin."

Yes, that's right kids! Suze Orman is coming out of the closet! Way to be strong Suze! Way to be proud!

Wait a second, could this be a calculated move to sell your new book? No, no, of course not, you're obviously trying to call attention to the injustices surrounding gay marriage!

"Both of us have millions of dollars in our name. It's killing me that upon my death, K.T. is going to lose 50 percent of everything I have to estate taxes."

Well, there you have it. If you feel like celebrating our noble new lesbian heroine, make sure to tune in to CNBC this Saturday, at 9pm, when Suze talks about her new book, discusses the 8 qualities of a wealthy woman and, most importantly, "viewers ask if they can afford a diamond necklace, a bass fishing boat."